That First Sign...

"Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it."

I remember that first 'sign' ; It's ingrained in my memory, like a fossil in a stone.

I was a 'grade A' student, 'Gifted and Talented' they said. I done well in every exam, I done well in every test. I got out, what I put in.

Until one day..

Business Studies. A lesson I thrived in, A lesson I enjoyed. I was headed for the big guns, headed for top grades - success.

Until then..

The Test. A piece of paper in front of me, A pen in my hand. I could hear scribbling and scrawling all around me. The clock was ticking.

My head - Empty.

I sat, and I sat. I racked my brains - nothing was coming, but I'd worked hard. I'd prepared. The bell rings.

My page - Empty.

Questions flew through my head, like a tornado through a storm.

What had happened? Why was my mind blank? What was going on?

But it was the 'sign' .. That first 'sign'.

If only I knew, what lay ahead.

Life isn't always tied with a bow...

..but it's still a G I F T !

There's no way to know what might have been.

Sure I think about you now and then
But it's been a long, long time
I've got a good life now, and I've moved on
So when you cross my mind...

 

Like you did this weekend. I saw how you recovered - and think about
what might have been,
but there's no way to know
what might have been.

I can walk, I can talk but you lay there, stripped bare..And I try not to think
what might have been.

I had the strength to pull through, return to myself..but then there's you. You're not the same, but who's to blame - How did I get this far? You can't even stand at the bar. And I look and you, and try not to think..
what might have been.

We're two parallels, though we walked a similar path. I was so lucky to get here, and now I shed a tear - I look at you and think,
what might have been.

But we're both so strong, neither of us wrong. With a smile on our face, continuing life at fast pace. But it's hard not to think -
what might have been.

So try not to think about
what might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And theres no way to know

What might have been.

Lyrics from Lonestar - What Might Have Been.

This is like a Flashback...

*Red Alert* Flashback *Red Alert

This is like a flashback,
This is like a bad dream,
This is like all the things you can fit inside a memory - Scary.


Building up. uP. UP.                          Not again.                            Please.


This is like a flashback
Flashback.
This is like a flashback
Flashback.

The same familiar sign.  The same familiar pain. One side of my face - burning. Burning. I can't, I can't go back to that place.  I've got so much to live for, oppurtunities to fulfil. Don't take it away from me again?

Why didn't I realize I was fighting for my life?
Woaaaah, Woaaaah!
Why can't I realize I was fighting for my life?
Woaaaah, Woaaaah!

I'm not sure I could fight this fight. I'm not sure I could go back to that place. I'm not sure I could lose my independance again. I'm not sure I could handle the looks, the stares.

This is like a flashback
Flashback.
This is like a flashback
Flashback.

Today, I thought I was returning to that place. Returning to those same four walls, that dreaded distinctive smell. It was a scare - boy I'm glad it didn't take me there.

I'm coming round and now my vision is so clear,
If I could change my state of mind, then I would disappear
The dread I get from you is something I can't chance,
And I guess you won't slip away, without a second glance.

God is good. Keep me in this 'paradise' ?

This is like a flashback
Flashback.
This is like a flashback
Flashback.

I'm coming round and now my vision is so clear,
I'm glad this flashback - disappeared.

Edited Version of Calvin Harris - Flashback.

Now my Troubles, are going to have Troubles with ME!

I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!
– Dr. Seuss

I Am

I am full of joy.
I wonder how long he will stay that way.
I hear his giggles brighten the stars.
I see his smile shine like the sun.
I want to capture this moment forever.
I am full of joy.

I pretend to be a child again.
I feel my body tingling like popping candy.
I touch the love he projects.
I worry he will grow up too fast.
I cry because I will miss him growing.
I am full of joy.

I understand this moment won't last forever.
I say his smiling his infectious.
I dream that his single smile could travel around the earth.
I try to capture this moment in my mind.
I hope we remember this moment forever.
I am full of joy.

Keep Holding On

You're not alone, together we stand
I'll be by your side,
you know I'll take your hand.
When it gets cold and it feels like the end
There's no place to go,
you know I won't give in
No, I won't give in

You're always there to walk with me,
You're always there to set me free.
You're always there to put a smile on my face,
You're always there - even at the end of the race.

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you

You keep me strong,

When I've been fighting so long.

You keep me on my chair,

You're always there to sew my tear.

So far away, I wish you were here
Before it's too late this could all disappear
Before the door's closed and it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend, yeah, yeah

I wish you were here to hold me up,
To wipe my tears when my face looks rough.
But that doesn't stop you from making me smile,
time after time, while after while.

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you

At the end of the day...I'll make it through 'cause I've got you.