Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!

Random Acts of Kindness

Do you know...I ♥ random acts of kindness!

My parents (Mum) wanted me to get a treadmill for physio. because she thinks it will be good for me. So we enquired about one that somebody was selling - and asked to check it was in good condition because of what we wanted it for. The amazingly KIND lady, emailed and... said that I can have it for free because of what it is for.

I'm not going to take it for free, but that is SOO KIND!! Don't you think?

So REMEMBER...No act of KINDNESS, However small - is EVER wasted ♥.

Would it matter?

That First Sign...

"Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it."

I remember that first 'sign' ; It's ingrained in my memory, like a fossil in a stone.

I was a 'grade A' student, 'Gifted and Talented' they said. I done well in every exam, I done well in every test. I got out, what I put in.

Until one day..

Business Studies. A lesson I thrived in, A lesson I enjoyed. I was headed for the big guns, headed for top grades - success.

Until then..

The Test. A piece of paper in front of me, A pen in my hand. I could hear scribbling and scrawling all around me. The clock was ticking.

My head - Empty.

I sat, and I sat. I racked my brains - nothing was coming, but I'd worked hard. I'd prepared. The bell rings.

My page - Empty.

Questions flew through my head, like a tornado through a storm.

What had happened? Why was my mind blank? What was going on?

But it was the 'sign' .. That first 'sign'.

If only I knew, what lay ahead.

Life isn't always tied with a bow...

..but it's still a G I F T !

There's no way to know what might have been.

Sure I think about you now and then
But it's been a long, long time
I've got a good life now, and I've moved on
So when you cross my mind...

 

Like you did this weekend. I saw how you recovered - and think about
what might have been,
but there's no way to know
what might have been.

I can walk, I can talk but you lay there, stripped bare..And I try not to think
what might have been.

I had the strength to pull through, return to myself..but then there's you. You're not the same, but who's to blame - How did I get this far? You can't even stand at the bar. And I look and you, and try not to think..
what might have been.

We're two parallels, though we walked a similar path. I was so lucky to get here, and now I shed a tear - I look at you and think,
what might have been.

But we're both so strong, neither of us wrong. With a smile on our face, continuing life at fast pace. But it's hard not to think -
what might have been.

So try not to think about
what might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And theres no way to know

What might have been.

Lyrics from Lonestar - What Might Have Been.

This is like a Flashback...

*Red Alert* Flashback *Red Alert

This is like a flashback,
This is like a bad dream,
This is like all the things you can fit inside a memory - Scary.


Building up. uP. UP.                          Not again.                            Please.


This is like a flashback
Flashback.
This is like a flashback
Flashback.

The same familiar sign.  The same familiar pain. One side of my face - burning. Burning. I can't, I can't go back to that place.  I've got so much to live for, oppurtunities to fulfil. Don't take it away from me again?

Why didn't I realize I was fighting for my life?
Woaaaah, Woaaaah!
Why can't I realize I was fighting for my life?
Woaaaah, Woaaaah!

I'm not sure I could fight this fight. I'm not sure I could go back to that place. I'm not sure I could lose my independance again. I'm not sure I could handle the looks, the stares.

This is like a flashback
Flashback.
This is like a flashback
Flashback.

Today, I thought I was returning to that place. Returning to those same four walls, that dreaded distinctive smell. It was a scare - boy I'm glad it didn't take me there.

I'm coming round and now my vision is so clear,
If I could change my state of mind, then I would disappear
The dread I get from you is something I can't chance,
And I guess you won't slip away, without a second glance.

God is good. Keep me in this 'paradise' ?

This is like a flashback
Flashback.
This is like a flashback
Flashback.

I'm coming round and now my vision is so clear,
I'm glad this flashback - disappeared.

Edited Version of Calvin Harris - Flashback.

Now my Troubles, are going to have Troubles with ME!

I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!
– Dr. Seuss

I Am

I am full of joy.
I wonder how long he will stay that way.
I hear his giggles brighten the stars.
I see his smile shine like the sun.
I want to capture this moment forever.
I am full of joy.

I pretend to be a child again.
I feel my body tingling like popping candy.
I touch the love he projects.
I worry he will grow up too fast.
I cry because I will miss him growing.
I am full of joy.

I understand this moment won't last forever.
I say his smiling his infectious.
I dream that his single smile could travel around the earth.
I try to capture this moment in my mind.
I hope we remember this moment forever.
I am full of joy.

Keep Holding On

You're not alone, together we stand
I'll be by your side,
you know I'll take your hand.
When it gets cold and it feels like the end
There's no place to go,
you know I won't give in
No, I won't give in

You're always there to walk with me,
You're always there to set me free.
You're always there to put a smile on my face,
You're always there - even at the end of the race.

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you

You keep me strong,

When I've been fighting so long.

You keep me on my chair,

You're always there to sew my tear.

So far away, I wish you were here
Before it's too late this could all disappear
Before the door's closed and it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend, yeah, yeah

I wish you were here to hold me up,
To wipe my tears when my face looks rough.
But that doesn't stop you from making me smile,
time after time, while after while.

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you

At the end of the day...I'll make it through 'cause I've got you.

"Somewhere along the way, you may lose something you thought was important, but everything you need to fulfill you is inside you or right in front of your eyes. You just have to REACH. It won't often be easy, little angel, but it will always be a great adventure" EW

Take A Bow

Oh, How about a round of applause, Yeah
A standing ovation
Oooooo, Yeah
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

 

Just 'cause I'm young - it don't mean I'm dumb.

I'm sick of yours lies, dropping like flies.

You're so sure of yourself, your confidence stealth.

But look at the job you done - yeah, good one.

 

Oh, And the award for
The best lie goes to you (goes to you)
For making me believe (that you)
That you could be faithful to me
Let's hear your speech, Out

 The verbal vomit that flows from your mouth is full of crap, now lets laugh at that!
You said you cared, you said you'd help - I trusted you with my baby, now look how its turned out.

 

And don't tell me you're sorry cuz you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught
But you put on quite a show
You really had me goin'
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closin'
That was quite a show
Very entertainin'
But it's over now (But it's over now)
Go on and take a bow

You pass me on, you cut me off - you really are no first class boff.

If you're feeling unsure, don't just close your lousy door.

Speak to me first, don't just cut me off 'cause I'm gonna burst.

You put on quite a show - but you really should go,

your service is pants, it needs squishing like ants.

That was quite a show
Very entertainin'
But it's over now (But it's over now)
Go on and take a bow

 

I won this, fight - I got what I wanted. So love - please get on your bike.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word.

What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when it's all over
And sorry seems to be the hardest word

Because...I'd rather have, one piece of paper with the word 'Sorry' on - than I would a box of chocolates, diamonds, or gold.

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd

You made me miss one of the most precious moments in my life, yet you claim you're the victim.

It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

For you - Sorry seems to be the hardest word. I pray that you stop being indeniable, accept what you've done and let sorry slowly slip from your lips.

You mean alot to me - lets get it over with so we can move on. I've forgiven you so many times, but this time I'd like to hear sorry, I need you to admit it - I want to forgive you.

But for you...Sorry seems to be the hardest word.

Friends Are The Most Important Ingredient In This Recipe Of Life.

Life is what you make it.

Life is what you make it,
So let’s make it fun,
Push those clouds away,
Hey hey, today’s your day,

And I’m telling you that
Life is what you make it,
So let’s make it shine,
You can make your way,
Hey hey, today’s
Everything you want it to be

I gave up facebook for lent.

13 days until I can reconnect with facebook.

Wow - It has been a hard and mean feat. Something that did not necessarily start with the intention of being my sacrifice for lent, but I am so glad I done it!

Why?

Lent is...being a stronger person, and adopting self-control. No, means no.
Lent is...being focused on priorities.
Lent is...a way of breaking down procrastination - Oh boy, I used to do that alot.
Lent is...allowing me to empathise with those who are suffering in this life, and not necessarily of the catholic kind.
Lent is...allowing me to make, and keep more friends and be freed from the bullying and suffering of facebook.
Lent is...giving me oppurtunities that I could have been blinded by through the facebook addiction.


"Celebrate good times - come on!"

Live Today Like It's Your Last Night.

Say my name like it's the last time,
Live today like its your last night,
We want to cry but we know its alright,
Cause I'm with you and your with me.

Butterflies, butterflies..we were meant to fly,
You and I, you and I..colours in the sky,
We could rule the world someday, somehow but we'll never be as bright as we are now.

We're standing in a light that won't fade,
Tomorrow's coming but this won't change,
Cause some days stay gold forever.

The memory of being here with you,
Is one im gonna take my life through,
Cause some days stay gold forever.

From the end spring new beginnings.

Wow - I cannot believe it has already come to an 'end', so long, yet so short.

14 children, a ton of days, 2250 minutes driving or 37.5 hours, miscellaneous bars of chocolate, stacks of paper, a river of coffee, a boot full of junk, tanks of petrol, and a lifetime of smiles.

And it's over. Just over. Okaii - well it's not because I am going back :P.

Nevertheless, I am shocked that it is 'over'.

The last 5 weeks have taken me on an incredible journey. A journey that I was so close to not even venturing on, a journey that I nearly did not take.

Teaching has changed my life. Literally.

The lectures I missed, the days I spent in bed - How could I possibly do it?

But..

I did it!!

And I couldn't be more grateful, nor glad. The sheer amount I have gained...

Confidence. Stamina. Good Health. Knowledge. Teaching Strategies. Friends. Emotional strength. Social butterflies. Personal Competance.

Smiles.

An incredible journey, one I will be sad to see come to an end..but as one door closes, another swifty opens.

For from the end - Spring new beginnings!

I'm proud to say, "I am a teacher".

I am a counselor and psychologist to a problem-filled child,
I am a police officer that controls a child gone wild.
I am a travel agent scheduling our trips for the year,
I am a confidante that wipes a crying child's tear.
I am a banker collecting money for a ton of different things,
I am a librarian showing adventures that a storybook brings.
I am a custodian that has to clean certain little messes,
I am a psychic that learns to know all that everybody only guesses.
I am a photographer keeping pictures of a child's yearly growth,
When mother and father are gone for the day, I become both.
I am a doctor that detects when a child is feeling sick,
I am a politician that must know the laws and recognize a trick.
I am a party planner for holidays to celebrate with all,
I am a decorator of a room, filling every wall.
I am a news reporter updating on our nation's current events,
I am a detective solving small mysteries and ending all suspense.
I am a clown and comedian that makes the children laugh,
I am a dietician assuring they have lunch or from mine I give them half.
When we seem to stray from values, I become a preacher,
But I'm proud to have to be these people because ...
I'm proud to say, "I am a teacher."
[Stacy Bonino]

Wowza

Wow - this blog is getting slightly depressing.

I figured, I am so wrapped up trying to follow rules, make a good impression, be a saint - that I have lost me amongst all of it. Therefore, I essentially need to upwrap myself "Ooh Lala ;)" and rediscover!


At the end of the day..If I could turn back time, If I could take away, I'd take back all the things that hurt me - but I can't. So it's time to realise that failure is success turned inside out.

Smile. CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE.

Sometimes I wonder where I've been

Who I am

Do I fit in?

I may not win

but I cant be thrown

Out here,

On my own.

Reflections

'Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me? When will my reflections show, who I am inside?'

Once, a bubbly funny person - a person that everyone loved. A person that was so lively, and spontaneous - full of colour, an extrovert.

Now, black and white - straight to the point, an introvert. A person who prefers to be on their own, who hides behind the covers.

I look at the picture of that person once so colourful and strong, now I know that its reflection is so wrong.

Where did you go?

Wow.

Wow - This honestly is like living with a bunch of babies.

• There's some washing up liquid, there's a brush - wash up your plates, that are piled high from weeks a while ago.
• When you go to the toilet, if you can't aim - ask an adult to lift up the seat for you, and then to put it back down again. Rather than wee on the toilet seat, and leave it to conjeal.
• If you use something, put the rubbish in the dustbin - yes that thing with the black bag in.
• We do not have food fights, We do not throw food all over the floor or smear it all over the surface and leave it. However, if you merely drop something - again there's that thing with the black bag in. Bin it.

Okaii - Yes, I may be something like a dog, beginning with the 'b' word - but at the end of the day I am one of the youngest in the flat, I went to university a year early at 17. I am not a neat freak, but I am not unhygienic which is what this is getting to be.

Why should I pay fines for messes I didn't make? Anyone care to explain?

Oh - and if you go for a number two, yes a thing that begins with 'P' and ends in 'oo'. There's a silver handle - flush it away!! I don't want to see it!

Post Three; A World Full of Dilemma.

A world full of dilemma,
it makes us turn,
and tremour,
with the anguish of bearing a chronicle untold.

We’re told to believe,
have faith,
God will retrieve.
Yet his power should have prohibited the chapter commencing.

So endure the contents of my mind.
The book I never read,
the words I couldn’t find,
which lead me to mental suicide.

Stuck between two races,
Trepidation for the future,
whilst regret for the past still traces,
but that insight came a day too late.

Whilst regretting the past,
I sacrifice the future,
It’s fading fast,
with the use of my own noose.

Told that everything happens for a reason,
I missed at protecting myself from being hurt,
so I learn through this season,
to look ahead than to look back and regret.

So this is the path I’ll never tread,
Regret’s come too late,
I’ll grow instead,
rather than dwell on “It might have been”.

Post Two: A Man's yesterday will never be like their tomorrow.

A quaint disposition,

casts over one like a cloud,
no signs of wilting,
- I can no longer stand proud.

Venom of the soul encapsulates now!
Will I locate the lucid light?
Should I be optimistic that the dawn will sever,
through this elongated night?

This menace is perhaps a violent pleasure,
since we are born in others pain & perish in our own.
The journey is exasperating,
ensuring a groan.

Despite wounds oozing with the fear,
We stand strong!
Every man has their secret sorrows,
the silence is immense – forever long.

It seems there’s a reason for everything,
change is inevitable – What can we trust?
Part of us is taken,
with an evil thrust.

What we leave behind us is part of ourselves,
yet our image is retained.
If we cannot change the situation,
our new perception is proclaimed.

For a Man’s yesterday will never be like their tomorrow.

You tie my tummy in a knot.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited.
But I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over.

' Why do you taunt me?

Why do you hide,

from the true feelings that you are feeling inside? '

' I guess that you, don't wanna hurt her coo - but you say you love me, through and through. I respect your kindness but you're hurting me too. Don't keep her hanging, Don't just be her boo. You've gotta be honest, honest to you. '

Nevermind I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me I beg
I remember you said:-
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead"
Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead yeah.

'You need to focus, don't go astray. Make your decision, Don't live in dismay.'

Nothing compares
no worries or cares.
Regret's and mistakes they're memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

 (Adele (2011) Someone like you).

Post One: Time Will Tell.

I sit there for a while,

Watching that sacred dial,
Nothing I can do,
Just wait for my que.

It’s the not knowing,
But the wind – it keeps blowing,
I may be wasting time,
Waiting for that bell to chime,
Yet – I can’t get on,
Not without my head on strong.

I zone in and out,
I guess sometimes like a tout,
It’s so undignifying,
Yet I have to keep on trying.

On the floor,
At the door,
Infront of you,
As you search for a clue.
I suspect you think; What’s next?!
Waiting for another moaning text.

You say you don’t mind,
But I’m like a lemon rind,
Grinding away,
Deteriorating some may say.

It does my head in – it must do yours,
Similar to a set of chores.
I admire you though and thank-you so much,
Grateful for your every touch.
Hopefully the tears will fade,
But we have memories forever made.

I gaze at my picture – so happy and strong,
But in my head know it’s so wrong.
It’s like I look at someone past and gone,
Soon it seems that reality will catch on.

We wait for that letter deciding my fate,
Will it lift a heavy crate?
As time ticks on I’m going downhill,
No longer helped with a pill.
I guess I’m scared what happens then,
Relieving pain with this pen.

I should be grateful of the time I’ve had,
Sharing hugs, memories & pictures of that nerdy lad,
I can never thank-you enough,
Sorry its had to be so tough.

A Series of Posts

A Glimpse at the past...A novel in their own right.

' You are my Sunshine my only Sunshine, You make me happy when skies are grey. And you know dear, how much I love you - Please don't take my Sunshine away. '

A little bit about me..

A primary teaching student, A home-school beauty  freak  - I'm a total geek, but that's the least of my worries.

A smile on my face - working with special children. My Passion. Why? Inspirational. Characters. Teachers in their own right. The sun in the sky.

M.E., a temporarily paralysed leg - I define them, they do not define me. I'm lucky. It could be worse.

BabbleBabbleBabble..I give too much information, and useless shadazzle. Get used to it.

I hope, I practice random acts of kindness, and senseless acts of beauty. Fingerscrossed.

The nephew, the squidworth, the squishy face of glory - My world.

Life Lesson: Smile - It's infectious.